Dealing with drama on the job is among the worst parts of being an executive. It has got the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for many of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The best exemplory case of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John may be the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he covers it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he covers the latest drama of the day. "I recently don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like dealing with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We can all relate genuinely to John. We have all experience political situations that we prefer to forget. Those occasions when we're caught in a top of workplace drama - anyone is upset, gossip in the organization is rampant, and we feel like a ping pong ball even as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to do? If you are caught in drama, how do you get out of this dark hole?
To begin with, let's discuss what to not do. John illustrates this well. Every time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. And in addition, the placating nod does probably the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. Final result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some people get angry. The irony is that now folks have a brand new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, what was John doing wrong? Well, several things. For starters, he distanced himself from the drama to the point he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became area of the drama problem because nothing got dealt with in a constructive way.
One of the basic principles of dealing with drama at work is to identify your emotional patterns whenever you encounter drama and to identify how your typical reaction plays a part in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John surely could self-manage his reactions better, he could took a different tactic when employees came to him about issues. He would have expressed confidence inside their ability to handle the problem constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced a skilled 3rd party to help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no matter what the facts of the problem and they include these roles:
The Persecutor: "This business is this type of hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is just a real idiot." All the power goes into finding someone or something at fault for all your company's problems. Blaming someone else makes people feel a lot better and, obviously, it indicates others have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They use a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They may look for anyone to rescue them, or at fault, to be able to eliminate their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Allow me to fix this. Allow me to take this on." "I will save the day." "Allow me to rescue this poor person who was simply hard done by." Rescuers may try to help people without having to be asked, or they have a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
A lot of people learn the power of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue doing this behaviour inside their career without having to be alert to it. As an executive, if you take part in this behaviour or respond to it, you'll escalate the drama and there will be a price to pay for - people won't want to work for you, you'll feel drained at work, and you'll produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you will need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and begin to pay attention to who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful of which role you have a tendency to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a certain role. Are people "bonding" with each other when they've someone else at fault? Are they avoiding dealing with the complexity of issues by blaming anyone? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Have you been creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the organization that have to be addressed? If that's the case, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to do more than you want to?
- Whenever you get brought about by a crisis, focus on grounding yourself. Do not cope with the drama until you will get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by concentrating on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Observe that the more intense the drama, the harder it will be to get individuals to produce a healthier outcome.
-If you're too close to the issue accessible, obtain a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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